It all started when I walked to my bedroom sink to prepare a fresh pot of coffee tomorrow, when I saw one of these sitting in my sink:
Known as the crane fly, they are completely harmless, but scare the bejeesus out of me on account of looking like a GIANT mosquito. I'm talking to AntiPasta at the time, and he suggests going on the offensive, which I proceed to do, using this:
As some of you no doubt know, when a can of compressed air is held upside down, it produces freezing blasts of supercooled air which supposedly can result in frostbite if applied to skin for too long. Just think of what it could do with fragile scary bug bodies.
After an epic battle of flying around and spraying air everywhere, my scary nemesis was lying thoroughly frosted in the sink. Anti suggested I finish the thing off with a lighter. Indulging in a moment of sadism, I agreed and set off back to the sink with lighter in tow, like a little kid burning ants with a magnifying glass. I do strange things at 5:45 am.
I currently have no hair on the underside of my right wrist. I'm not sure what exactly happened, but there is no hair, and I was luckily able to shut off the smoke alarm. I placed the lighter in the sink near the bug and gave the igniter a flick, and the whole sink exploded in a fireball. I'm guessing that A) That compressed air stuff is really dense and doesn't clear away easily, B) They need to change the fucking label that says "This product is not classified as flammable, but under certain circumstances may ignite" to something like "WARNING!!! YOU ARE RETARDED AND WILL BLOW UP YOUR ARM! THIS IS VERY FLAMMABLE!!", and C) I'm stupid and deserved that.
So aside from a bare lower arm, smelling of scorched hair, and having a deathly fear of lighters, compressed air, sinks, and crane flies, I'm fine, but thought you guys might get a laugh out of my stupiditiy.