Longterm member seeking depression advice

[Tamo]

Hi,
first of all, yes, I'm just writing anonymously due to the nature of my request. I've been an active member of this site for many years and I appreciate and value the people here.

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I get depression attacks every once in a while and there's no apparent reason for it - it builds up during the day or the morning and by the afternoon or evening, I feel extremely distressed, anxious, I doubt everything, can't focus on something educational, things I enjoy would only distress me even more (such as loud sudden noises/laughter in the TV shows I like, or sound effects from games) so I can't use them to distract myself and I begin to look for indicators that my social environment falls apart. I lock myself in my room, make everything dark, and would stare at a random page on the internet without browsing it or just lie in my bed.
It feels like an extremely sudden and deep experienced loneliness, despair, sadness. Usually this lasts for the rest of the day and sometimes for the day after.

I'm aware that this is something I believe my mind is making up, because there's no tangible reason for these feelings, I'm living a good life. I do have academic stress, but who doesn't? There are some fights in my family, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I am not socially isolated. In short, I don't know why this happens, and neither did the therapist who I consulted years ago - so I stopped seeing him when he would just start to ask me "What do you want me to do for you exactly?" every time.

Since these "attacks" only occur from time to time (rarely in the past few months, but frequently the months before, around 1x per week), I wouldn't call it an ongoing depression. However, due to the inexplicable nature of the despair, I feel like calling it a sad day is an understatement.

Maybe someone can share some advice on what to do in such a situation. I don't feel like calling one of those help hotlines, they make me feel like I am suicidal and I am not. I also don't want to occupy the line for people who are and seek help.

[killdoser]

I understand where you are coming from, I get huge waves of depression "attacks" as you are describing.
when I try and over come them I quickly turn to substances like alcohol and cannabis however I haven't done in a few months because I don't want to become dependant on those things (witch gave me enjoyment prior) and I DO NOT recommend it.
I personally think that with the depression it is a deep rooted "trauma" something that nobody considered serious at the time such as being bullied or violently attacked because in most cases it has no reason and makes you more isolated. from my depression as a younger teenager I'm 100% sure it developed from homophobic verbal and physical abuse towards me (more stuff built around that).
Just always remember that no-mater what happens you are the reason why you get up in the morning, fuck every one else. I know what it is like to have the attacks what I do is I spend my time trying to find the cause of it because you a NEVER depressed for no reason. but remember never go into substance abuse because you will eventually feel dependant on those things.
Just try and figure out what is causing it and once you make sense of it then you can learn to over come it.

[gs37]

Hi, Tamo. I don't know you and I don't know what to say. Actually, I'm sure there's nothing anybody *can* simply say to help you. But just know that I read everything you wrote and I feel for you, bro. I'm not here to preach or say what you *should* do. I'll simply tell you about myself.

When I was in college, I had a real rough time and I felt down a lot. Even though I had nothing to complain about. I now realize it was because I was stuck in a rut. Same routine, over and over. No change, no variety. Just monotony. I ended up moving to one of my favorite cities, and within a few weeks, I felt awesome. It was a fresh start. I could be whatever I wanted to be in this new place. It was very refreshing.

So I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think you might just be stuck in a rut. Try to get a change of scenery. Might help.
Best of luck, bro. :)

[cyberguile]

I know exactly how you feel cause... I've been like this for years.
This book helped me a lot:
http://www.amazon.com/Unlimited-Powe...8622941&sr=1-2

[anime4ever]

My wife had similar symptoms a few years back.

Theres many different things you can do but it really depends on you and also whether or not you have anyone that can kind of assist/help you.

I'm just going to bypass the whole meds thing because you can probably figure that part out on your own just by going to a doctor. However, one thing to look at before you do see a doctor is to look up anxiety disorder and see if any of the symptoms match yours because lots of times anxiety disorder can be misdiagnosed for depression and not only will the meds not help but they can actually make you worse.

Anyways, how things got better for my wife was that I started studying depression, anxiety and mood disorders so that I could see if there was anything to do to help. There were two main things I learnt that worked, one was to look for signs that her mood was changing for the worse because she couldn't notice, so as soon as I would notice I would tactfully (key word tact) let her know and see if there was anything I could do to cheer her up and snap her out of it. The second thing was teaching her to help herself to notice if her mood was changing and to figure out somethings she could do to fight it on her own. Examples of things she does to fight it is she always has on hand pictures of me and the kids, has her iPod filled with her favorite more up beat tunes, some spending money incase she just needs to get something and the most important thing, a list of things that are reasons to be happy. I know that to the average person this stuff might sound simple or even dumb but believe me it works. I mean it doesn't have to be those things, it can really be anything that makes you happy enough to kind push your mood the other way, the main thing though is to be able to train yourself to notice your mood changes as soon as possible because like I mentioned the quicker you notice the easier it is to reverse it. At first if you had a close friend or a relative that could help you with that it would definitely make it easier but if not you can still do it on your own, it'll just take a little more time as its harder to notice your own moods/habits sometimes.

Now I'm not saying any of the things Ive suggested are going to make your problems go away 100% and the sad thing is it might never but you can cope and the more practice you put into it the more good days you'll have than bad and when you do have a bad day the bad parts will get shorter and shorter. My wife constantly gets told what a different person she is now and believe you me she used to be a wreck, so it is possible to turn things around.

Anyways, I hope some of what Ive written helps and if you have any questions or just wanna chat, feel free to send me a PM anytime.

Cheers

[ASSEMbler]

Hi,
first of all, yes, I'm just writing anonymously due to the nature of my request. I've been an active member of this site for many years and I appreciate and value the people here.

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I get depression attacks every once in a while and there's no apparent reason for it - it builds up during the day or the morning and by the afternoon or evening, I feel extremely distressed, anxious, I doubt everything, can't focus on something educational, things I enjoy would only distress me even more (such as loud sudden noises/laughter in the TV shows I like, or sound effects from games) so I can't use them to distract myself and I begin to look for indicators that my social environment falls apart. I lock myself in my room, make everything dark, and would stare at a random page on the internet without browsing it or just lie in my bed.
It feels like an extremely sudden and deep experienced loneliness, despair, sadness. Usually this lasts for the rest of the day and sometimes for the day after.

I'm aware that this is something I believe my mind is making up, because there's no tangible reason for these feelings, I'm living a good life. I do have academic stress, but who doesn't? There are some fights in my family, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I am not socially isolated. In short, I don't know why this happens, and neither did the therapist who I consulted years ago - so I stopped seeing him when he would just start to ask me "What do you want me to do for you exactly?" every time.

Since these "attacks" only occur from time to time (rarely in the past few months, but frequently the months before, around 1x per week), I wouldn't call it an ongoing depression. However, due to the inexplicable nature of the despair, I feel like calling it a sad day is an understatement.

Maybe someone can share some advice on what to do in such a situation. I don't feel like calling one of those help hotlines, they make me feel like I am suicidal and I am not. I also don't want to occupy the line for people who are and seek help.

I want you to read this and take it seriously. I am giving you all you need to fix this.
Do not dismiss it.

I had similar issues and remedied them.

1. Put your thoughts and priorities on paper, so they are no longer bouncing around in your mind and clouding your thoughts.
2. Set goals
simple goals for day to day
medium time goals for months
long term goals for year or years
3. Things I love and what I need to attain them.
4. Things I dislike, or people I dislike and what I need to do or attain to remove them from my life.

As you make progress, you can cross out the goals and feel a sense of progress. This removes a lot of stress over
feelings of going nowhere.

Relaxation:

Whatever relaxes you, without any lyrics. I use rain, or sounds of storms, or classical music.
Sit in the dark with headphones on and form your thoughts. This is your calming time.
Do it for as long as you need. The peace will come faster and faster as you practice.

The mind is a tool, and it needs discipline or else you will get intrusive thoughts when they are not
needed (usually regrets, or desires). Disciplining the mind lets you function better.

The most important thing is to have focus and purpose, a sense of reaching goals and PROGRESS.
Reward yourself , but not to excess. Focus on long term goals. Picture what you want.

Diet and exercise.

If you sit around all day, inside, you will feel sad.
1. Get a golight http://www.amazon.com/Philips-goLITE.../dp/B001I45XL8
this imitates the sun and feeling of TRAVEL. After a few minutes you will feel better, it's amazing.
Much depression can come down to lack of vitamins and sunlight.
2. Remove as much sugar and caffeine as possible from your life, they mess with your body and moods
3. Get melatonin, and take it before bed to sleep well.

Follow what I have told you and you will do well.
If you still feel depression, make a list of what items , thoughts or places trigger it.
Does it happen only at work? Find a job you love.

Good luck and start with the golight it will help you the fastest.

[Tamo]

Thank you guys. I really appreciate that you took the time to respond in a detailed manner and shared your own experiences, so I will respond in the same way.

@killdoser
I find that alcohol or weed does not help me so I consume neither when I'm in this mood as it just increases the bad feelings exponentially. I don't have any trauma that I can think of, although there has been a time in which I was bullied, but I've long overcome that (with supporting therapy). I figured that I should do something about it, so I consulted counselling but it didn't really help. When I would go while I have an attack, he would be concerned and find that I may actually be depressive. But as I wrote, this mood only occurs from time to time, so sometimes I would be in a much better mood and perfectly happy with my life when I went to see him. I can't do anything about being content, but it makes me look like a liar, or at least as if it wasn't all that serious.

@gs37
Thanks!!

@cyberguile
I will check it out in the bookstore. I'm a bit sceptical of these motivational guys, but I guess it can't do any harm to have a look at it.

@anime4ever
Thanks for sharing this story. I still have to figure out some similar strategy, it takes time as you must know.

@Assembler
Thanks for the elaborate advice. I usually set goals for every day, but sometimes it wouldn't really work out because I'm trying to push myself too much. Long-term goals are ok, I know where I want to be in a few years - just the pressure is a lot. I feel like I cannot let anyone down, especially my family, because they put up with a lot so I can be where I am today (in university). I know I did my part, too, but there's no time to praise myself, I feel like I need to graduate asap and get a job in order to give something back. Of course nobody asks for that, but it's something I want myself to do and it makes me feel really bad for every academic failure (of which there have been few thus far, due to the pressure and ambitious studying).

I had to put up with a lot of stress during the past few years. Family life was very stressful, I worked fulltime in very tedious and physically exhausting part-time jobs, my friends were scattered around the globe for studying and consequently I not only had few opportunities to meet new people, but also the old ones were almost completely out of reach. I was never depressed during that time, just unhappy (big difference).


Yesterday night was really bad because these depression waves are quite abrupt. I tried to follow your advice after I had read it and listened to some of my favorite classical pieces, however it hardly helped because I was too deep down in that darkness.

It felt like I was drugged, LSD's effects on the state of mind are comparable (of course excluding the loss of self-control):
The mind rushes through all these thoughts without ever looking back, thoughts built up exponentially without questioning the reasioning behind them. So, for instance, I had the feeling that my friends had already dismissed me and my girlfriend is close to breaking up. I had to remind myself of the facts, remind myself that I was just making this crap up on the spot. Much like under the influence of a hallucinatory drug, I was considering random imaginary bits confirmed facts. And I was completely sober.

What scares me about these attacks is how abrupt and intense they are, like taking a drug and then you can't do anything about the effects despite knowing what caused them.

I am quite a happy person, very sociable and I have fulfilling hobbies that I enjoy. I am never sad or depressed except for these days like yesterday when something suddenly overwhealms me.
There have been a lot unhappier times in my life in which it would have been a lot more appropriate to experience this kind of mood, but no, it happens now: the time which represents the climax of my life up to now. So, yesterday was the first attack since around March and I have no explanation for it. I'm puzzled about the reason behind it. The only thing I could think of is that all the unreleased stress from all those years somehow backfires because I had never gotten to take a break.

The negative stress has now turned into positive stress (university education and at the same time building a new social environment), but it's still stress that most other people do not have to experience. They stay at the same place and only have to manage one thing at a time: An exam, a new job, a new girlfriend. I feel like I need an actual break cause I cannot do this forever, but I can't afford one because that meant I'd throw away the earnings from all the pain and stress I experienced for the sole reason of being where I am now. However, I sometimes feel like buying an old pickup and travel through Alaska with a tent for a year.
I don't know what a nervous breakdown feels like or what symptoms people show in advance, but yesterday I felt like I was close to one. I've been ignoring my stress for many years.

[ASSEMbler]

Thank you guys. I really appreciate that you took the time to respond in a detailed manner and shared your own experiences, so I will respond in the same way.

@killdoser
I find that alcohol or weed does not help me so I consume neither when I'm in this mood as it just increases the bad feelings exponentially. I don't have any trauma that I can think of, although there has been a time in which I was bullied, but I've long overcome that (with supporting therapy). I figured that I should do something about it, so I consulted counselling but it didn't really help. When I would go while I have an attack, he would be concerned and find that I may actually be depressive. But as I wrote, this mood only occurs from time to time, so sometimes I would be in a much better mood and perfectly happy with my life when I went to see him. I can't do anything about being content, but it makes me look like a liar, or at least as if it wasn't all that serious.

@gs37
Thanks!!

@cyberguile
I will check it out in the bookstore. I'm a bit sceptical of these motivational guys, but I guess it can't do any harm to have a look at it.

@anime4ever
Thanks for sharing this story. I still have to figure out some similar strategy, it takes time as you must know.

@Assembler
Thanks for the elaborate advice. I usually set goals for every day, but sometimes it wouldn't really work out because I'm trying to push myself too much. Long-term goals are ok, I know where I want to be in a few years - just the pressure is a lot. I feel like I cannot let anyone down, especially my family, because they put up with a lot so I can be where I am today (in university). I know I did my part, too, but there's no time to praise myself, I feel like I need to graduate asap and get a job in order to give something back. Of course nobody asks for that, but it's something I want myself to do and it makes me feel really bad for every academic failure (of which there have been few thus far, due to the pressure and ambitious studying).

I had to put up with a lot of stress during the past few years. Family life was very stressful, I worked fulltime in very tedious and physically exhausting part-time jobs, my friends were scattered around the globe for studying and consequently I not only had few opportunities to meet new people, but also the old ones were almost completely out of reach. I was never depressed during that time, just unhappy (big difference).


Yesterday night was really bad because these depression waves are quite abrupt. I tried to follow your advice after I had read it and listened to some of my favorite classical pieces, however it hardly helped because I was too deep down in that darkness.

It felt like I was drugged, LSD's effects on the state of mind are comparable (of course excluding the loss of self-control):
The mind rushes through all these thoughts without ever looking back, thoughts built up exponentially without questioning the reasioning behind them. So, for instance, I had the feeling that my friends had already dismissed me and my girlfriend is close to breaking up. I had to remind myself of the facts, remind myself that I was just making this crap up on the spot. Much like under the influence of a hallucinatory drug, I was considering random imaginary bits confirmed facts. And I was completely sober.

What scares me about these attacks is how abrupt and intense they are, like taking a drug and then you can't do anything about the effects despite knowing what caused them.

I am quite a happy person, very sociable and I have fulfilling hobbies that I enjoy. I am never sad or depressed except for these days like yesterday when something suddenly overwhealms me.
There have been a lot unhappier times in my life in which it would have been a lot more appropriate to experience this kind of mood, but no, it happens now: the time which represents the climax of my life up to now. So, yesterday was the first attack since around March and I have no explanation for it. I'm puzzled about the reason behind it. The only thing I could think of is that all the unreleased stress from all those years somehow backfires because I had never gotten to take a break.

The negative stress has now turned into positive stress (university education and at the same time building a new social environment), but it's still stress that most other people do not have to experience. They stay at the same place and only have to manage one thing at a time: An exam, a new job, a new girlfriend. I feel like I need an actual break cause I cannot do this forever, but I can't afford one because that meant I'd throw away the earnings from all the pain and stress I experienced for the sole reason of being where I am now. However, I sometimes feel like buying an old pickup and travel through Alaska with a tent for a year.
I don't know what a nervous breakdown feels like or what symptoms people show in advance, but yesterday I felt like I was close to one. I've been ignoring my stress for many years.

You need to see someone for guidance. (therapist)

Don't be afraid, I went to one when I was a troubled youth and it helped me
deal with a lot of anger issues. They help you find the answers you seek,
but sometimes don't want to hear.

[Tamo]

I'm not afraid, I just lost faith in therapy. I went to a therapist a couple of months back and he ended up asking me again and again what I was looking for, making me feel like I was faking it.
As I said, I feel fairly happy and confident most of the time, so consequently, I can't plan on being depressed when I have my appointment. He also forced me into group sessions which I hate. I don't know if this was only because the counsellor wasn't right for me or if my case is not suitable for treatment.

[ASSEMbler]

I'm not afraid, I just lost faith in therapy. I went to a therapist a couple of months back and he ended up asking me again and again what I was looking for, making me feel like I was faking it.
As I said, I feel fairly happy and confident most of the time, so consequently, I can't plan on being depressed when I have my appointment. He also forced me into group sessions which I hate. I don't know if this was only because the counsellor wasn't right for me or if my case is not suitable for treatment.

If you don't feel like you are getting anywhere change therapist. They are like doctors, not all are great.

Find someone who is OLD. Oldest one still alive. People always marvel at young doctors or therapists but
what it really means is they don't know jack shit yet.

[graciano1337]

If you don't feel like you are getting anywhere change therapist. They are like doctors, not all are great.

Find someone who is OLD. Oldest one still alive. People always marvel at young doctors or therapists but
what it really means is they don't know jack shit yet.

Good advice right here.

One thing I do to get me through rough days is just finding ways to enjoy the simple things in life.

[C-Kronos]

I want you to read this and take it seriously. I am giving you all you need to fix this.
Do not dismiss it.

I had similar issues and remedied them.

1. Put your thoughts and priorities on paper, so they are no longer bouncing around in your mind and clouding your thoughts.
2. Set goals
simple goals for day to day
medium time goals for months
long term goals for year or years
3. Things I love and what I need to attain them.
4. Things I dislike, or people I dislike and what I need to do or attain to remove them from my life.

As you make progress, you can cross out the goals and feel a sense of progress. This removes a lot of stress over
feelings of going nowhere.

Relaxation:

Whatever relaxes you, without any lyrics. I use rain, or sounds of storms, or classical music.
Sit in the dark with headphones on and form your thoughts. This is your calming time.
Do it for as long as you need. The peace will come faster and faster as you practice.

The mind is a tool, and it needs discipline or else you will get intrusive thoughts when they are not
needed (usually regrets, or desires). Disciplining the mind lets you function better.

The most important thing is to have focus and purpose, a sense of reaching goals and PROGRESS.
Reward yourself , but not to excess. Focus on long term goals. Picture what you want.

Diet and exercise.

If you sit around all day, inside, you will feel sad.
1. Get a golight http://www.amazon.com/Philips-goLITE.../dp/B001I45XL8
this imitates the sun and feeling of TRAVEL. After a few minutes you will feel better, it's amazing.
Much depression can come down to lack of vitamins and sunlight.
2. Remove as much sugar and caffeine as possible from your life, they mess with your body and moods
3. Get melatonin, and take it before bed to sleep well.

Follow what I have told you and you will do well.
If you still feel depression, make a list of what items , thoughts or places trigger it.
Does it happen only at work? Find a job you love.

Good luck and start with the golight it will help you the fastest.

Yeah, melatonin really helped me sleep when I had the money to actually purchase it, as did cutting down on sugars and taking caffeine out of my diet.

Relaxation is important if you're feeling depressed, it really does help to kick back in a dark room listening to classical music. I've also found some great pianists on YouTube that are great to listen to, but try to avoid anything with a depressing melody.

Anyways, thanks for posting this bit of advice, I think I'm going to try to put 1-4 into use and see how that helps me.

I also suffer from depression, and I have since my early teens. I do wish I was only depressed for a few days at a time, because for me, I'm usually depressed for long periods of time.

It got so bad at one point when I still had my wisdom teeth, that I ended up getting addicted to the pain medication I was prescribed and was using it for the wrong reasons to numb myself emotionally. Whatever you do, don't go down this path, it's a horrible way to live (No, drugs aren't the reason for my financial situation, I was a functioning drug addict for the most part). Eventually I got to the point where I stopped doing opiates and benzos, it's really horrible to go through withdrawals when you were on them for a good period of time. Although, I never did anything too hard, the worse I've ever done was probably morphine at one point, and I only did that a couple of times (didn't do much for me, and it made me itch like crazy)

Seeing some family of mine die due to pills, a couple of friends, and a good friend's brother was seriously a wake up call for me. If I stood on that path, I'd probably be dead by now.

Personally, my main goal at the moment is to piece my life back together day by day and try to get out of the situation I'm in. When I have the money to afford insurance, I'm probably going to see a psychologist and psychiatrist at some point to help manage my depression and anxiety.

Anyways, best of luck to you Tamo, I hope stuff gets better for you.

[mazonemayu]

don't you have something that lets you exhaust that stress & those feelings? I used to feel shit like that too until a few years ago, specially since my daughter was born (my mom died when I was 6 & my father didn't want me anymore. when my kid was born all those bad things from the past came back chewing at me). tried a therapist & meds at first, but that only seemed to make matters worse. then I suddenly started skateboarding vert & pool again after a 17 year break (I'm turning 38 next month, so imagine how silly that sounded to most folks ). needless to say I had tons of pain the first year or so , however it also gives me a lot of focus and more importantly adrenaline (which makes you happy) also I can loose any kind of frustration in it, be it pain, sadness,anger, etc...sometimes when we have a fight at home or I just feel very bad, I go skating for an hour or 2 & when I get home I feel & see things diffrently. now I'm not saying you have to go out & buy a board, but maybe you need to look for something similar that does those things for you, be it running, bungeejumping, surfing or killing people in the street ; as long as it works for you. also as Assembler said, a healty died does wonders, I've always eaten pretty good, since I'm a cook by education & a strict vegetarian, but even I have made some changes in my diet the last few years that has improved my energy & made me feel better physically. sugar (sacharose/sucrose )is your worst enemy, it completely burns you up. unfortunatly its in almost everything that isn't fresh. you CAN eat other sugars, like fructose, tagatose,honey, etc... just not that refined white shit everyone has in their cupboard. warning: should you try this, you'll be rather nasty for a week or 2 as your body will be withdrawing from the sugar but afterwards you'll have more (lasting) energy than ever before, also you want to stay away of saturated fats; again they are in lots of things so you'll have too keep your eyes open (I read the ingredient list most of the time when I want to buy something I don't use often), try dark chocolate (the 80 > 99% kind), again with no sugar, cacao is a natural happy-maker, unfortunatly they usually add lots of sugar, which eliminates this effect...

hope this helps & you get better m8

[gs37]

I second the skating idea. I haven't skateboarded in years, but it is an awesome feeling. Like everything else just disappears for a while. :)

[Hawanja]

Take a vacation. Try to meet some new people. Go get a girl, smoke some weed, drink a few beers, have a good time. Barring that, try hanging out in other places besides just your house (like an internet cafe, coffee house, or something) even if it's just you by yourself on your laptop.