Thanks, yeah... I'm pretty emotional towards women when they just for once mention they like me it's pretty rare for that to happen.Originally Posted by graciano1337
I ask myself why all the time, I just think I'm too different for them or something... I mean I'm not built or anything and it just shows I'm a geek :/ then again most women I talk to are pretty boring here. So when I started to talk to this girl in the US it was amazing. Guess back to being quite :/
It's an unfortunate situation Hexagon, but I don't think it is in fact as bad as you think. Here's some facts to remember:
- You have never talked to her in person
- You don't know if you would be physically attracted to the real person
- You don't know what she's like in front of other people
In short, you only know the picture you have of her based on chat, voicemail, images, is that right? I understand that one can develop feelings even with so little information to go by, but it's foolish to think that this means a whole lot in the long run. You don't know her in person, so maybe you wouldn't even feel anything for her once you see the real person.
Even if you had tons of things in common with her then it doesn't mean that you two are bound to have an affectionate relationship with each other. Common interests are a start, but they might as well be completely irrelevant if you just like the girl's characteristics.
I'd suggest you try to limit your grief and save yourself some trouble by ignoring it. A girl you never really knew is not worth it! Try to imagine what you'd do if you had a 1yr relationship with a girl you really loved and then she'd dump you for her ex? Wouldn't that be a lot shittier? Remind yourself of that and how minor the recent disappointment is in the big picture.
It might just feel so important to you because you didn't date that many girls before? Not sure if I inferred that right, but rest assured that you'll care less and less with every time you date someone. Reject can still be devastating even if you go out with the 100th girl (erm, I guess...., Lol), but you won't be upset about someone you didn't really know or love anymore.
<- can someone please make this as a repro and sell it so me?
I never thought of that... Well said!
Slept well last night, even though the last message I sent her she took FOREVER to reply and usually it's within the first 2 hours of the message being sent (so I'm guessing she's trying to drown me out of her mind maybe). This isn't the first time this exact situation has happened but I don't understand why it happens time and time again to me?
You're right though, I can handle rejection alright but sometimes it hits me right in the face (what she said joke opening? :P), for example she did I don't understand why cause I've NEVER seen her face to face, for all I know she could be a real bitch, it would of been too late to find out once I was over there right?
Thanks for the very informative post ave, I now have a much clearer perspective on the matter.
So I landed this really good job over the weekend, like a big boy, monday-friday, 8am-5pm with an hour lunch, salary paying job and my ex finds out and calls me and is all "Hey, I'm sorry for being a dick to you while we were together. And with your new job, I'm afraid I won't see you as much." ahaha, girls...
Last edited by graciano1337; 06-06-2012 at 03:42 PM.
Withdrawn
Last edited by Hedgeyourbets; 07-16-2012 at 08:33 AM.
Typical gold digger. I know you wont take her back but if you do you'd have to be pretty dumb. Leave her sucking it in the gutter.
I stopped ready (partially) right there. I saw the second bit where you want to get over it but don't even attempt to get into a relationship with her. It's a real ballache having a relationship with a best friend, and if it doesn't work out you lose a good friend.
thiis is why you should actually read the rest of the post :P
I'm not asking how to make her get with me or whether it's a good idea just how I'm suposed get over it when she's clearly making every effort to keep me in her life and I cant stop being friends because then i have pretty much nobody
Last edited by Hedgeyourbets; 06-06-2012 at 09:12 PM.
Be a man and tell her to either date you or else you wanna stop seeing her. That's all I can say and it's how I would act in your situation. I've been there and I ended up saying "screw you" because being a good friend under these conditions adds as much to your emotional well-being as washing your dick with acid every night. It sucks.
Last edited by ave; 06-06-2012 at 08:50 PM.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmi...ng_advice.html
Do what ave said,its not worth it and plus if she gets a boyfriend then you will feel even worse and she would most likely not even hang out with you anymore.
You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep seated need to believe.
She's been in and out of relationships constantly for a lot of the time i have known her, I know all about the "friend zone" and am confident that I have long been stuck there.
Were it anybody else I would have told her to shove it and i have done so before with other girls but we've been friends since we were like 8 years old, that's what 12 years or so and as I've said, I have literally no friends, I barely do anything as it is, I think without her I would end up wearing a tinfoil hat and babbling about glaxosmithklein reading my thoughts within a month
I don't want to be with her, I've seen how she treats her boyfriends, no thanks, and I want to be her friend, but i can't rid myself of the emotional attatchment which makes me the unrequited friendzone pathetic moron i suppose
Last edited by Hedgeyourbets; 06-06-2012 at 09:37 PM.
Is this chick the only girl you hang out with,if so that would explain the emotional attachment.Dude get yourself out there and start talking to girls,it's not that hard.
You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep seated need to believe.
You wouldn't want to be with her but at the same time you suffer from being friendzoned? That's kind of a paradoxon we have here. You have to figure out what's more important to you, being one of her friends or that you end this miserable situation with dignity. As I told you, be a man and tell her "yes or no". According to what you said, she'll say no, but if you act honestly and cut contact afterwards, then at least she'll see that you had the balls to do it afterall! Cause most people don't, they avoid social challenges like this and suffer from it... don't be one of those.
And I think having no friend for a while is better than having only one friend that gives you nothing but emotional distress. Think of it as an improvement from -1 to 0 on the number line. ;-)
@Pikkon
Depends, we don't know how old hedgeyourbets is and what he's doing at the moment. Since I began my undergraduate studies, getting to know new people is the easiest thing in the world for me. Before that when I was working after high school, it was pretty much impossible (given that I do not consider random club hook-ups as "getting to know new people").
Last edited by ave; 06-06-2012 at 10:12 PM.
I agree, it can be difficult to meet people if you're not in school or working. Where are you supposed to meet people? Bars? Clubs? That can kinda suck... We don't really know hedgeyourbets situation.
@hedgeyourbets do whatever you can to meet some people with similar interests as you. try to spend less time with this girl, it's not healthy that she makes you an emotional wreck.
I actually just finished my second year of university
Like, I have a few uni friends but none of them ever want to do anything literally, they all run straight home after lectures, despite my protests and suggestions and I've been trying incredibly hard to socialise and meet other people but nobody I meet ever wants to do anything and even if they did, due to a number of personal issues I don't drink and have trouble being around people who are drinking which makes everything even more complicated.
I think giving her an ultimatum is unlikely to help, I've done it before and all she gives me is "maybe some day" and as I am facing a long summer of relative social isolation, (there are no jobs going, I've tried) all it'll take is a few bad days and I'll go crawling back.
I wonder if these feelings are even actually based on anything anymore like they used to be? I have been seriously mulling this over all day and it occurs to me that I am just fixated on her because I have nothing else of that nature to focus on? I did briefly have a girlfriend in college (she turned out to be a gold digger, apparently education maintenance allowance is sexy) but during that time I was all like screw wanting the girl we're talking about, my feelings are genuinely neutral towards her, she's a friend, nothing more, all eyes on girlfriend!
That tends to be the way it is. One of the most commonly given pieces of advice I've seen, is that you won't get over the former until you find the next in line. Distraction is always a nice method to draw attention away from something or someone. Of course that doesn't go for everyone, but I think it's a fairly solid method. While others are completely fine on their own and capable of moving on without said distraction. Hopefully you find whatever works for you, as living in the past will always be highly detrimental to moving forward.
What people need to realize that if you're just going to easily get over someone by being with someone else just means that you were capable of getting over that person in the first place. People tend to latch onto feelings and convince themselves of stuff that isn't always true or solid.
Note: Get on AIM or I'm leaving you, you're in the dog house. :P (This is a joke, we're not lovers, I've just known him forever)
Last edited by C-Kronos; 06-07-2012 at 06:05 PM.
I come off as an arrogant jerk sometimes, feel free to bring me back down to level when that happens; however, it's not intentional most of the time.
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That's true, but some people aren't capable of understanding or processing that possibility until they've seen it come to pass. Which is why that's pretty common advice. It's mainly a mind trick, people think they'll never get over someone, since they think they won't - they usually don't. It's pretty much as I said though, hopefully he finds whatever works for him and gets him through it.
I hope you promptly replied and said, "Cool thanks -- have fun fisting yourself".
Well, because my salary now allows it, I replied, "Cool thanks but I have hookers to fist." Close enough though right?
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