Damn it, my friend is applying for a green card

[Parris]

I have a really close friend. We've known one another for a very long time. We met through my then girlfriend as she was her room mate at University. When we met, we immediately hit it off. Same humour, same attitudes and completely on the same level.

She helped put together one of the radio stations I was involved with and she's never been shy to get her hands dirty and work hard. When she graduated from Uni she went to work with the aeronautical division of BAE systems. Last year she decided to answer an ad for a job in Seattle with Boeing and was immediately snapped up.

Today she emailed me to say she's applied for a Green Card. I am really proud of her and very happy that she has finally settled somewhere. She LOVES it in Seattle and has done very well for herself.

On the other hand I am saddened that it's not just going to be a case of calling one another up for a beer, nipping into town for a cup of coffee or heading to some rock bar for a chat and a shout. Well over a decade ago I remember her saying to me (as I came off the dance floor at a local rock club) "I wished I had the guts to dance like you..." It was probably the funniest thing I had heard and I knew what she meant. Wayne Sleep meets James Hetfield lol.

You can have amazingly powerful friendships which in reality are as close as brother & sister that you only recognise when it seems too late to make more effort. Had I known she was going to be lost to the US, I'd have definately made more time for our friendship when she lived in the UK. For a long time I suffered from agrophobia and stuck to a terribly restrictive routine. It turned my world upside down and I alienated myself and several of my friends. It's a horrible experience. She stuck by me and never questioned it. She knew my divorce floored me and when I made excuses for not coming out, she understood.

We even ended up with a joke as for 3 years I promised to go out and have a cup of tea with her. For 3 years I cancelled at the last minute.

If anyone on here suffers from agrophobia, shuts out reality, finds the outside world a harsh place or has been going through the mental mill and has little respect for themselves. Wake up! Go out, call those friends and force yourself into the world. Don't be like Sandra and me, leaving your friendship hanging on the end of an email or phone call.

Ah well, proud of her and at least I now have somewhere to crash if I visit Seattle lol. It's a bloody long way to travel for a cup of tea.

You guys are getting a wonderful woman in your midst - treat her nice! ;-)

[DRussian]

I`m sorry to hear you friend is leaving and i know you`re happy to see that she is doing well in life. It`s a shame you didnt manage to spend more time together in the past but you can stilll keep in touch and talk on the phone/skype. When you do see her the meetings will mean more as they`re less frequent. The relationship you have will change due to the geographic boundaries but will evolve into something different if you`ll let it. A bond like you have never breaks, It reminds me of a Chinese saying which is usually associated with adoption but seems to fit anyway.

There is an invisible red thread that binds people together,
It can bend and twist but shall never break. (this is off the top of my head it`s not word perfect)

It`s not worth dwelling on the shoulda and couldla`s, I have had similar patches in my life where I had to break commitments and stall meetings due to my state of mind. I`m now starting to realise I can`t get the time back and I cant jeapordise future happiness by thinking too deeply into my past way of thinking. You have given the best advice which is get out there and DO IT! which I hope you and all of us follow as we`ll definitely have a better quality of life.

Good luck to your friend starting her new life and I hope you can still have a good strong relationship.

[Parris]

Yeah, thanks for that mate! It's true, life is full of regrets, but this is only a regret in relation to making more effort. It's really a lesson in life. Do things now, not later.

Isn't it amazing what your own mind can convince you of, even to keep quiet? It's a means of recovery from trauma and shock. You need the time to heal, but the world keeps moving on. No point chasing to keep up until you are 100% fit though.

I like that Chinese saying, but I also like : "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". The last few years have been like a boxing match. I got put down on the floor, but I stood up and continue to stand up irrespective of the punches. Now I've been down, I am not going on the canvas again.

Funny though, she was only meant to be going for a year and I could handle that no problem. She is doing brilliantly though and I don't blame her. I was given the opportunity to move to Washington State a few years back through work. Didn't take it because of family commitments.

[opethfan]

(Sorry for bumping an oldish thread.)

It's one of the sad facts of life I'm afraid. I hate to keep on bringing my own situations up in another person's thread, but when I was younger, my family and I moved back and forth between Kent and Vanouver at least 3 times (they're so fickle) before we finally settled here. One of the worst things was when I was 14\15, and despite living in a shit house in a shit part of Lincoln, I met this girl and we clicked. Silly teenage love, I'm sure, but when I had to leave, it was the worst feeling ever, breaking up when everything seemed so right, yet also so wrong. I'm happy here, its my home and I'm enjoying life to it's fullest I think, but it still ails me knowing things didn't end naturally (as I'm sure they would've), like reading half a book and burning it right as it starts to get good.

One thing I've learnt though, is that no matter how happy someone sounds on the phone or in an email, there's always something you miss about where you come from. Be it the people, the TV, the atmosphere or whatever, the nuances of a place are often what draw you to them. Even now I feel like moving back to England (I once stayed in a modern farm cottage 20 minutes out of Lincoln City, and my God it was nice: tiny quiet village, beautiful house, lovely garden and surroundings, etc), but I know that right now, I don't want to put my education at risk by changing courses again and paying all that money for flights\moving.

Everywhere you go, you miss the other place.

[The-Silmarillion]

It can be difficult, certainly an inconvienience of goliath proportions, however if you're committed to staying in contact then I don't believe things have to change that much.

I can somewhat relate, my girlfriend lives in Minnesota, just makes the times we are together all the better really. :D

[Parris]

It can be difficult, certainly an inconvienience of goliath proportions, however if you're committed to staying in contact then I don't believe things have to change that much.

I can somewhat relate, my girlfriend lives in Minnesota, just makes the times we are together all the better really. :D

Minnesota? Aren't you in the Edinburgh area? Blimey! I did actually have a relationship a few years back which was sort of maintained over quite a long distance (Canada to France). Lots of letter writing, lots of short telephone calls and weekly emails. We were both pretty busy though.

This is a great friend and I'm actually happy for her. She clearly loves Seattle and I'll just have to go and visit ;-)

Opethfan: My parents moved a lot. Because of my later father's job we were all over the place, but always in the UK. I had a self imposed exile to France for several years and I loved every minute. I know what you mean about "home" however.

[GaijinPunch]

Sounds like your friend has some screws loose. Why would you go from the second worst place in the world for rain to the absolute worst?

[The-Silmarillion]

Minnesota? Aren't you in the Edinburgh area?

Yes indeed, which means lots of MSNing with visits spread out every couple of months (I'm going there for September :love2:.

[kammedo]

Agoraphobia was one of my troubles during my first uni years. I actually dont know if it was exactly that, but I used to be hiding very very very much from everything and everyone. I was happy only in my small room. Luckily I got out of it, and doing so I discovered, well, the world :). And Im happy I did. It wasnt easy at all, I had to do it my way, but it worked :). You know what, you should just
a) take two weeks time off
b) buy a ticket to seattle
c) buy some pounds of great britain's best tea
d) knock on your friend's door

That's it ^^!

Of course you dont have to, but you know, carpe diem....

[limey]

Sounds like your friend has some screws loose. Why would you go from the second worst place in the world for rain to the absolute worst?

Sometimes you need some of the familiar to be at ease. I've only been to the Seattle area once (& it was dry the whole week!), but I have to say that it brought back a lot of memories of old blighty - the shades of green & that smell you only get in places where there's a decent amount of rain, year round (I'll conveniently forget about the damned chills I used to suffer, riding about on a motorcycle on sodden, freezing winter mornings...).

The great thing about uprooting oneself: not only does it force you to broaden your horizons by experience, but it also teaches you to value what you have now - as it (or you) might not be there tomorrow...

Parris, good luck to your friend & remember that these days, the world is a lot smaller than it used to be - the internet & jet planes have seen to that.

Ah well, proud of her and at least I now have somewhere to crash if I visit Seattle lol. It's a bloody long way to travel for a cup of tea.

The god of Starbucks will probably force you to drink coffee, whilst in Seattle!

[Taucias]

JOIN US!

I got my Green Card. I hope she is well prepared, it costs a small fortune and they treat you like shit. The stress and worry is horrible. It's worth it in the end though, I guess.